All in Mom Truths
Once we decide to leave it all behind, we may choose to not look back … We put away the business suits and stare wistfully at the carefully curated career shoes and purses in which we “invested”. We take comfort in the leggings, loose tops, casual dresses and comfy flat shoes.
After I got rid of the evil incarnate with an entire can of bug spray and emotions were stabilized, I started to replay the scenario in my head and I realized just how much our children are influenced by our own fears and emotions.
“Accepting myself - the good, the bad, all of it…Maybe that’s the first step toward becoming “successful” as a mom? By acknowledging my faults, celebrating my strengths, recognizing that I wasn’t born to be a mom, but that I can become one not only physically, but psychologically, spiritually, maybe that’s the key here?”
I imagine that every child’s first birthday is a time of nostalgia for parents, an opportunity to revisit the day when your life changed forever while celebrating all the exciting memories and milestones of your child’s first year. For me, as a preemie mom, reflections on my son’s first year of life are tinged bittersweet.
Though I did my job well and proved capable of more, I just felt that I could not reach for the next step. And it seemed that motherhood pushed the next step further away. I did not quite know or understand how this happened.
I stand there, flabbergasted. Shocked into silence. Was it my clothes covered in paint? My hair? What was it that said to this woman, so absolutely, that I was not a mother walking with her son?
When I missed a session, the guilt was overwhelming. “You don’t really want to make more milk, do you?” I would badger myself and then feel awful that I wasn’t “doing all in my power” to make the breastmilk that my premature son so desperately needed.
Instead of thinking that I am losing her to the world, I will believe that she is my gift to the world. I commit to walks, and talks, with my daughter, through her childhood and beyond.
In reality, you need to determine how much you’re willing to give on each side in order to strike your personal balance. What works for someone else is not going to work for you. We all have different family structures, different schedules, different expenses…different everything!
I could feel the blood drain from face as I read the message. I swear the scent of "Dettol" wafted past my nose. Someone in my daughter’s pre-k class has head lice. I tried to focus throughout the rest of my meeting but couldn’t shake the imaginary itching all over my body.
